Get Anyone to Do Anything Page 2

  4. Similarities

  It is not true that opposites attract. We actually like more those people who are similar to us and who have similar interests. We may find someone interesting because of how different he is from us, but it’s the similarities and commonalities that generate mutual liking. Like attracts like. When you speak to this person, talk about what you both enjoy and what you have in common.

  Similar to this law is the principle of “comrades in arms.” Essentially, people who go through life-changing situations together tend to create a significant bond. For instance, soldiers in battle or those in fraternity pledge classes who get hazed together usually develop strong friendships. This is also a powerful bonding method even if the experience was not shared, but similarly experienced. It’s for this reason that two people who have never met but who have shared a similar previous experience—whether it’s an illness or winning the lottery—can become instant friends. It is the “she understands me” perspective that generates these warm feelings for another who has had a similar experience. It all comes down to the fact that we all want to be understood, and this powerful event has likely helped to shape the person into who she is today; hence this other person “knows and understands” what she is all about.

  5. How You Make Her Feel

  How someone feels about you is greatly determined by how you make her feel about herself. You can spend all day trying to get her to like you and to think well of you, but it’s how you make her feel when she is around you that makes the difference. Have you ever noticed how nice it is to be around someone who is complimentary and sincerely kind and warm? Conversely, have you ever thought about how annoying it is to spend five minutes with the person who’s always finding fault with everything and everyone? These people seem to drain the life right out of you. Being the person who makes people feel good will go a long way toward their finding you quite likable.

  6. Rapport

  Rapport creates trust, allowing you to build a psychological bridge to someone. The conversation is likely to be more positive and comfortable when two people are “in sync” with each other. Just as we tend to like someone who shares our interests, we are also unconsciously driven to like a person when she “appears as we do.” This means that when someone makes gestures the way we do, or uses words or phrases as we do, we tend to find him likable. More on rapport-building skills is discussed throughout various chapters in the book. For now, two powerful tips for establishing and building rapport are:

  Matching posture and movements: For instance, if someone has one hand in his pocket, you put your hand in yours. If he makes a gesture with his hand, after a moment and without being obvious, you casually make the same gesture.

  Matching speech: Try to match his rate of speech. If he’s speaking in a slow, relaxed tone, you do the same. If he’s speaking quickly, then you begin to speak more rapidly.

  7. Helping Her Out

  Studies in human nature show us that people dislike others more after doing them harm. Please note that I did not say that we do harm to those whom we dislike, although this may be true. The point here is that when we do harm to another, either on purpose or by accident, we are unconsciously driven to dislike the person. This is an attempt to reduce dissonance. (Cognitive dissonance theory as it applies here states that we feel uneasy when we do something that is inconsistent with how we see ourselves. Therefore to reduce this inner conflict we rationalize our actions to remain consistent with our self-concept.) The internal conflict created is, “Why did I do this to this person?” The rationalization then becomes, “It must be because I really don’t like him and he deserves it. Otherwise I would be a bad or careless person, and that cannot be so.” This works in reverse as well. We like someone more after doing something nice for him or her. If we do someone a favor we are likely to have positive feelings toward that person.

  If you can get him to do you a small favor, this will generate kind and warm feelings toward you. Often, in our attempt to get someone to like us, we make the mistake of doing nice things for him. And while he may appreciate your kindness and think you’re a nice person, it doesn’t make him like you more, even though you may be viewed as more likable. What you want is for him to have kind feelings toward you, not to just believe that you are a kind person. This is accomplished by him doing for you, not by you doing for him.

  8. He’s Only Human

  Seeing someone you admire do something stupid or clumsy will make you like him more (Aronson, Willerman, and Floyd, 1966). Contrary to popular belief, being a perfect, confident figure will not produce the desired outcome—meaning that it rarely leads to your being liked more and thought of in a positive way. When you want to be seen as more likable, do something embarrassing and smile at yourself. Don’t try to ignore it or pretend it didn’t happen. Self-deprecating humor is a terrific way to ingratiate yourself with anyone.

  When you show others that you don’t take yourself so seriously, it makes them feel closer to you and want to be around you. “Nobody likes a show-off” or a person who is so consumed with himself and his image that he needs to pretend that he is perfect. We tend to like and gravitate toward those who are not self-absorbed and egotistical. Showing that you can laugh at yourself makes you infinitely more approachable and likable. This is often at odds with what we think we should do. In our attempt to appear as “cool” and “important,” others perceive us as taking ourselves too seriously, and this air of “false confidence” can be quite unbecoming.

  This aspect of human nature confuses many people because the fact is that we do like confident people; we’re drawn to and like those who are self-assured. But we know that a person who is confident doesn’t feel the need to let the world know how great he is; he lets the world find out for itself. So the bragging, arrogant person is really a person who feels small inside and we are often instinctively uninterested and unattracted to this person. The one who is confident and secure is the one who is apt to laugh at his own mistakes and is not afraid to let people know that he is human. So you see, they are not at conflict with one another. Not taking ourselves so seriously and acknowledging our faults and mistakes shows the world that we are confident.

  9. Positive Attitude

  As we talked about before, we like people who are similar to us. But there is one exception to this rule. Nobody wants to be around a moody, often pissed-off, pessimistic person. We all seek, like, and admire those who have a positive, happy outlook and perspective on life. Why? Because that is what we all want. And seeing this desirable spirit in others makes us like them more. You may know a person—or may even be someone—who finds annoying those who wake up smiling and in a good mood. The fact is though, at some level we are drawn to that attitude and to that person. Think of the people in your life whom you really can’t stand to be around. Chances are they are always complaining about something; always annoyed with somebody; always finding fault with everything. Like confidence, a positive attitude toward life will help to turn you into a superhuman magnet for attracting people and getting anyone to like you.

  But wait a minute! Doesn’t misery love company? Actually it does. Miserable people like to be around others who are just as annoyed with life as they are. But this quality does not make them like these people more. Someone who feels miserable enjoys commiserating and complaining with another miserable individual, but the minute he’s in a good mood he will abandon the toxic, annoying person. He seeks solace with somebody who feels as he does, but when he no longer feels that way he will instantly leave this relationship. This is because he never liked the person (at least not for this similarity); he enjoyed only the shared attitude.

  Strategy Review

  • Be around the person as much as you can because familiarity breeds fondness, not contempt!

  • When you speak with him try to do it when he’s in a good mood to enact the law of association. Talk about common interests or experiences that you share and try to do more of the listening and less of
the talking.

  • To enact the law of reciprocal affection, if you respect or admire him for something make sure that he knows this.

  • Let him do a simple favor for you, but make sure that it’s not out of a sense of obligation. This creates an unconscious motivation to like you more.

  • Build a psychological bridge and establish rapport by matching the person’s gestures, rate of speech, and vocal patterns.

  • We are drawn to confident people. Show your confidence by being able to laugh at yourself and not taking yourself too seriously.

  • Make her feel good about herself. Be someone who is complimentary and sincerely kind and warm.

  • Have a positive mental attitude. We are drawn to people who are excited, passionate, and happy about life and being alive.

  • See Chapter 2, Get Anyone to Find You Irresistibly Attractive, because we tend to like more those whom we find attractive—same sex or not.

  2

  Get Anyone to Find You Irresistibly Attractive

  http://getanyonetodoanything.us/vid00048.html

  While we all have different physical preferences, these tactics will greatly help you to maximize your “assets” and in most cases override another person’s basic idea of what he finds attractive. How can this be done? Have you ever dated someone who was not even close to your type? Why’d you do it? Because he or she enacted these laws, most likely unwittingly, and you found that person simply irresistible.

  If you want to be appealing to anyone, use the techniques in the previous chapter and then move on to those in this chapter for maximum success. Numerous studies as well as real life show us that the more we like someone the more attractive we tend to find him or her. Although the tactics outlined below are especially designed for romantic interest, it should be said that we rarely find attractive those whom we do not like. So, fold into your game plan the tactics in the preceding chapter to give you an unstoppable overall strategy.

  1. Emotion Arousal

  This single tactic will be responsible for getting you more dates than any hairstyle or outfit or high-powered job ever will. It is a foundation of human behavior that when our body produces adrenaline, feelings of attraction to those present and sexual desire often result. Adrenaline, produced through any state of heightened arousal—fear, excitement, exercise, or whatever—generates and intensifies passionate feelings. (This assumes that attraction exists in some form, at some level.)

  Anytime a person is aroused, such as with scary movies, amusement park rides, or even physical exercise, his arousal will in part be attributed to whomever he is with. In effect, there is a transference of state where the excitement he feels gets unconsciously translated into sexual desire and arousal. The next time you see a couple who appears to be “aesthetically” mismatched, ask where they met. Chances are good that they met under circumstances where arousal was high...maybe at the gym or while one person (the better-looking of the two) was apprehensive, nervous, or excited about something.

  It’s for this very fact that psychologists are becoming increasingly disturbed by the trend—in video games, movies, and television—of associating violence and sex. The pairing of these two stimuli—sexual content and violence—can generate enhanced arousal toward violence and aggressive tendencies in sexual encounters.

  2. Walking Styles

  Youth is often deemed to be a factor of physical attractiveness. But the good news is that you don’t necessarily have to look young but merely appear young. Even something as seemingly innocuous as posture and how a person walks plays a powerful role in how youthful we judge him. Walking styles definitely influence physical attractiveness. People react more favorably to those whose walking style seems youthful than to those who seem elderly, regardless of the actual age or sex (Montepare and Zebrowitz-McArthur, 1988). What exactly determines youthful posture and gait? Flexibility. Observe a small child, and note how flexible she is in comparison to an elderly person. Yoga will greatly improve your flexibility and will make a dramatic difference in your overall posture, walking style, and how attractive others perceive you to be.

  3. Gazing into a Person’s Eyes

  Did you know that gazing into a person’s eyes can actually make the individual fall in love with you? That’s the conclusion of numerous studies on attraction and romantic love. In one particular experiment, two opposite-sex strangers were asked to gaze into each other’s eyes for two minutes. This study concluded that the act of simply looking into another’s eyes for only a few moments was enough for them to produce passionate feelings for each other (Kellerman, Lewis, and Laird, 1989).

  To make use of this tactic when you have a conversation with this person, look him directly in the eyes when speaking and listening. Most of the time we sort of gaze generally at a person’s face or divert our glance when in conversation. By looking into his eyes, while speaking with him, you engage this psychological phenomenon without being obvious.

  4. The Law of Contrast and Association

  When you want someone to find you attractive your best bet is to meet this person initially by yourself or with you being accompanied by an attractive person of the opposite sex. This is because of the law of contrast and the law of association.

  We don’t often judge a person by herself, but in contrast with other people. This is intensified when it comes to meeting someone for the first time. We see and think of her physical attributes in comparison to those she is with. There have been many studies in this area, including some that confirm that men who have recently been looking at bathing suit models find other women—or even their own wives—less attractive.

  Herein lies one of the biggest mistakes we often make. Before someone has a chance to know the real you, and to be influenced by these other tactics, your physical beauty is the first thing you’re judged by. So put the odds in your favor. Do not, I repeat, do not find yourself in the company of those who are more attractive than you (of the same sex) when you want someone to become interested in you.

  When meeting this person, generally for the first time only, try also not to be in the company of terribly unattractive people, of either sex. This is because of the law of association—where we tend to see a group as a whole and not the individuals.

  Therefore, again, your best approach is to be by yourself or with an attractive person of the opposite sex. This will also afford you the opportunity to use your other tactics without distraction. (The reason you can be with an attractive person of the opposite sex is that the law of association takes precedence over the law of contrast when the members of the group are more different than they are similar. In other words, your attractiveness is enhanced by this person because you are seen as “one unit.”)

  5. Self-Esteem and Attraction

  This is a tactic to use if your own beauty is limited, as it will allow you to be seen initially as much more attractive than you might otherwise appear.

  A study by Elaine Walster Hatfield showed that a woman who is introduced to a man will find him more appealing if her self-esteem has been temporarily injured than a woman whose self-esteem has not been impaired (Walster Hatfield, 1965). While you wouldn’t want to go out of your way to make someone feel bad about herself, should you become aware that this person has recently had a rejection, you should know you would appear to be more attractive to her than if her self-esteem were in high gear. This law is what is responsible for the good old rebound effect whereby a person finds herself fast into a relationship right after one ends, usually with someone whom she wouldn’t under “normal conditions” date.

  Another way to “slip in under the radar” is to simply approach her when she is with other more attractive people. Studies conclude that when we’re around people who we feel are better-looking than we are, we tend to feel less confident about ourselves and our appearance. Again, when our own self-esteem is suffering we tend to view others as more attractive.

  So when the person is feeling less than good about herself, be flir
tatious and friendly. The caveat here is the law of human nature that says people want what they can’t have and they like more what they have to work for. So prevent this law from hurting you by not being too obvious. Be interested and attentive but not overly so. This is discussed at greater length later in this section when we talk specifically about relationships and getting the upper hand.

  6. Reciprocal Liking

  We touched on this in the previous chapter, but it is included here because this law also impacts on us at a romantic level. Studies have shown that when we find out that someone we like finds us appealing, it actually awakens romantic feelings within us. Again, not only do we like those who like us, but we’re also more attracted to those people once we learn that they are attracted to us. This is because an essential aspect of passionate feelings is hope. If the other person has absolutely no interest in you then you may find her attractive but not develop a real and intense attraction and desire. Hope paves the way for stronger, more intense romantic feelings. And finding out that someone likes us gives us hope that a relationship is possible and will intensify our feelings toward him or her.

  Strategy Review

  • Engage in an activity with this person where emotional arousal is high.

  • The perception of youth increases attraction. Your posture and walking style influence greatly how youthful you appear.

  • Passionate feelings for another can easily develop by simply staring into someone’s eyes. Look her directly in the eyes when speaking and listening.